


Some place to call home

by MacKyleMore



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: M/M, Tags are so hard, angst but angst is needed for Understanding, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21856282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacKyleMore/pseuds/MacKyleMore
Summary: "It's just that the end is near. We both know this. We are closing in on this battle's conclusion, and when that time comes? The fact of the matter is that I have no where left to return to."
Relationships: Forde/Kyle
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Having to share a bed with Forde wasn't anything new.

Inns and campgrounds that couldn't hold their army which had once been so small, became more common.

Kyle didn't mind. It was much better than on the cold earth, or even the panels of the floor.

The falling temperatures on this part of the continent were another thing Forde being close by helped to keep out, too.

The only thing that grew bothersome was that Forde talked a lot before he fell asleep, about anything and everything. Despite this he was still the one to fall asleep earlier, and typically left Kyle wide awake considering any conversation they may have had, along with the sound of his breathing.

While this usually kept him up and restless in the morning, tonight it was the eerie silence Forde maintained that couldn't allow him to fall asleep.

It wasn't only that, but neither did Forde constantly try and win back the covers. (Kyle did tend to use more of them when certain places claimed they didn't have any spare blankets, but it wasn't on purpose.) Instead he lay motionless on his side, only partially covered.

Jeez. There's got to be something bothering him. Annoying, yes. But without Forde's usual words to lull him to some sort of sleep, this was just an uncomftorable experience all around.

"Forde."

No words. But the sharp intake of breath out of rythm with the rest confirm that he wasn't asleep just yet, and had heard him.

"I know you're awake yet. Do not ignore me."

"What?" Forde shuffles on his side of the bed, not wanting to talk but knowing full well he couldn't get out of this. They had to spend the rest of the night like this, after all.

"What's on your mind? You usually feel the need to keep me up until late."

"Don't worry yourself. I'm just tired."

"Oh, but you're not. When you're tired, you fall asleep. It doesn't take you long from the time your head hits the pillow. Something must be bothering you."

Forde really does not wish to talk. But at the same time, he needs to get it off his chest.

Behind himself, Kyle feels Forde turn, and inch closer under the quilt. It takes him a moment before he starts to talk, but when he does, it holds an extremely low feeling.

"It's really none of your concern." His voice is muffled, and hard to hear beneath the blanket and his hands that are in front of his face. "I was simply wondering what I am supposed to do after this war has ended."

Had he heard that right? Kyle turns now, head resting under his forearm. In the moon's light, he can make out just enough of Forde's face. It's not difficult to see, for the moon was full just a night or two ago.

"What do you mean?"

Forde shouldn't worry about that, Kyle thinks.

Or was it that he should, but just never expressed it in the past, so hearing it now is a surprise?

"It's just that the end is near. We both know this. We are closing in on this battle's conclusion, and when that time comes? The fact of the matter is that I have no where left to return to."

He searches for words, but Forde continues before he has the chance to say anything.

"My parents haven't been around in years. And Franz will likely marry Amelia. Maybe I'm too old to not be able to figure it out on my own...but when I realize that there is no one for me to go home to, I feel deeply saddenend."

He could say how, as the only son in his family, his parents had always expected more from him than his sister. He himself could return home, but he would still be under pressure.

He wants to, to pick apart words and make the topic about himself.

But that's cruel. Forde has every right to feel upset, and the fact that he was opening up about this was a pretty large deal.

He stops himself before he had the chance to start.

Instead, he searches for something better to say. "That's not something someone like yourself should be concerned about at this time."

"Why not?" Kyle watches as his hands turn to clenching fists. "This will be over before we know it. If I don't figure it out now, I never will. It's easy for you, you have people left."

Somehow he didn't need to bring that up, because Forde would do it for him.

He sighs. Forde will work himself up even more if he isn't careful. "I say this because you already will be busy after this war. Have you forgotten already what you had promised to me?"

Forde's eyes widen in the dark. "No. But teaching you a hobby isn't the same as-"

"Do you think so? Because I was under the impression that painting is no easy feat. You've spent years on it, and even so you still have room for improvement. Not to mention, you started as a child. Children tend to learn skills faster than others. At this rate, if you were to start teaching me right away, I think it would still take me a lifetime."

Forde laughs, and it's bitter but it's still a laugh. "Are you trying to say you'd be willing to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"I thought we already agreed to that."

"I didn't agree to anything like that."

"It was implied. And if you truly don't want to be alone, it makes perfect sense."

Forde considers whether or not Kyle means what he's saying. He's probably just trying to comfort him, but then again, committing the rest of your life is nothing small and is no joking matter.

"You won't be able to surpass me. Not if I'm your teacher. Do you still think that would be a good idea?"

Forde has calmed down a bit, Kyle can tell by his now relaxed muscles and his softer tone of speak. "I never once said that that was what I wanted."

"Then why bother? If you've no plan of doing anything with the skill, what is the point?" Forde smiles, probably mocking him.

"I...don't exactly want to be alone myself. Although I still have relatives left, people often are able to find family in those with different blood."

"What you are saying almost sounds like marriage."

"Think of it that way, if you want."

Forde's grin falters as he realizes how serious Kyle is being.

Documented or not, it wouldn't matter. Living the rest of their lives together is no different than signing their signatures on paper.

Some place to go?

He had been searching for so long, and yet this whole time, that place was right in front of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Forde can hear Kyle drop a stock of firewood onto the floor. It wasn't the most expensive and probably wouldn't burn very long, but it would have to do the trick for the time being.

He would never get used to this place, he considers. It has a musty smell and is probably on the much-too-big side for just two people.

They could afford it though, with their spoils from the war.

A change of scenery it all was, compared to how he had grown up. Before becoming a knight, he had to live with what he and Franz had been able to get.

It doesn't feel like somewhere he belongs, and he doesn't like it.

Behind him, Kyle dusts off wooded pulp from his tunic. The sound of his boots echoing through the empty place tell him he is now facing his way.

"I'm sorry." His head's too heavy to convey what he's feeling, and that's the least he can come up with.

"No problem." Kyle completely misses the meaning behind his words. "They weren't all that hard to carry."

He turns his head, and Kyle is only sort of visible in his wake. He is afraid that if he looks directly at him, he'll be able to see into all that he is feeling.

It's nearly dusk, and if the fireplace wasn't going to be ready by tonight they should at least light a lamp or candle. It is dark and cold, Forde realizes. Maybe this place isn't so unfamiliar, after all.

"That's not what I was getting at." He swallows a lump in his throat. He told himself he didn't want Kyle to find out about his train of thought, but something about the other man always made him talk.

"Then why are you apologizing? The only thing you did wrong was not help me bring back the things I bought."

Kyle always seems like he's trying to make light of Forde. He can't tell if he likes this or not; if it makes him want to laugh or makes him want to cry.

"I just get the feeling that this is something you wouldn't be doing had we never crossed paths."

Not much light casts onto his face which is already out of his vision a great deal, but Forde can still make out the confused- almost angry- reaction his expression makes.

"Of course I wouldn't. I can't live with someone I never met before."

"Exactly my point." Forde forces a smile. He's been doing that a lot lately. "I'm holding you back. If I had just died out there, or maybe even never met you to begin with, you'd probably still be serving."

Any confusion is gone now, and his look holds nothing but complete anger. "Do you even hear yourself? Do you think before you speak?"

And Kyle's mad at him. Nothing new. They have bickered to the point of calling it a full-blown argument in the past. On any normal occasion Forde could shrug it off because things like that are almost always resolveable.

This feels different. He can't shake the feeling that he is taking everything from Kyle.

He's tired of that. Of holding everyone back constantly.

"It is my fault for allowing you to let me stay here."

"I'm not 'allowing' anything!" Kyle's voice strains. "What is wrong with you? This place is just as much yours as it is mine!"

His heart tightens in his chest, but he can't fall back now. "You've always worked so hard, and to have me come along and act like any of it is mine? It shouldn't be that way."

Strides close their distance, and he can now make out the infuriated look in Kyle's eyes.

For a moment, he fears Kyle will hurt him. Not unlike his father the first few years after his mother died.

His mothers death gave way to resentment towards himself and his brother in the form of blame.

Forde tried so hard to forget all that, and he had succeeded for a while.

If this would come back to haunt him, perhaps it would all pan out the same. And Kyle would leave, just like his father.

He would blame himself. There is no one left.

"I'll have you know I likely never would have served if I never met you." Forde waits for him to hit him, or at least hear hatred in his words.

There is anger. But nothing to indicate that he blames him.

And then Kyle raises his arms, and he braces himself. It's been years since he had to take a blow from someone he cares about. Anything on the battlefield compares no where to taking a hit so your younger brother doesn't have to. No one should have to be hurt by their own father.

Instead, he feels himsef pulled into Kyle's chest as his arms are wrapped around his shoulders.

Don't misunderstand, this still hurts. Kyle's grip is strong and he smells of sawdust. It's suffocating. He doesn't know what to do with his own hands, so he stands there awkwardly shaking.

"I've told you it was you who made me better myself." His face is buried into his hair, and his breath is warm. It feels strange, but also, kind of the best thing he has ever felt.

"Not a chance in Hell would I be 'still serving' if you died or whatever. Without the competition, there's nothing left."

It's like with every passing moment, Forde feels Kyle hold him tighter. What can he dare say and how can he say it? The words he can't even begin to find are choked under Kyle's grasp.

"There's no way of knowing, but I doubt I'd be here today without you. I can honestly believe I never would have fought, had you not been around."

Finally, Forde stirs up the courage to return the embrace. He can feel that the muscles in Kyle's shoulderblades are tense and stressed. He should let go of him, relax a bit. But he doesn't want this to end just yet, so he says nothing.

"If you're so focused on the fact that you're ruining the rest of my life, maybe consider that this is my choice. As it has always been. From the beginning, I chose to follow your lead, consiously or not. I've lived this long with no problems, so I don't see why any issues would start now."

"I'm sorry for saying sorry." His voice is hoarse.

"You should be."

As Kyle pulls himself off of him, he swears he can see moisture in his eyes. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he can't tell; because Kyle walks over to the dining table and pulls a carrot from the bag of goods they had just went out to fetch earlier.

It's not that late, they could make something before the day's light is completely gone.

But he watches as Kyle takes a bite out of it, raw and covered in dirt and bruises.

Eating it like that probably isn't the best way to prepare it, and Forde can't figure out why he couldn't at least rinse it off.

"Dinner...will wait until tomorrow." He says in-between loud crunching sounds. "I'm kind of too upset to eat anything hearty."

He's upset because of Forde, he has to be. A split-second goes by where he feels guilt, but it is soon gone.

Instead he finds himself holding onto his stomach, fending off the laughter that threatens to spill from his mouth. The image before him- of a decorated knight nearly crying as he eats from an uncooked carrot- is somehow very humourus.

It's for the better, that Kyle feels uncomftorable with him. If nothing's ever said, than nothing's ever solved. There is no such thing as a perfect understanding of another person, so pretending that there would be would ultimately end in ruin.

"What's so funny?" A moment ago, Forde could have said Kyle looked pitiful. But now he just looked shocked and dazed.

"Nothing!" He smiles, and this time it's not fake. "It's just that everything I said was a lie. I just wanted to hear you talk about that inferiority complex of yours."

No way would Kyle fall for this, Forde knows. But he needs to at least try and make the room feel less heavy.

"It is not a-" Kyle's face grows a shade of red, and he looks to the side flustered. Eventually, his shoulders fall as he hangs his head. "Fine. The only reason I agreed to live with you is because I need to better understand you. You're right. You always are."

He gives in too easily, playing along with Forde's ability to act like they hadn't just realized a truth that they could never go back on.

"I think I'm going to lay down." After his sad excuse for a meal is finished, he tosses the green top for waste. "It has been a...long day.

The establishment is hardly furnished, but at least it had two beds.

The door is shut, and Forde spends an hour finding something among their so-far limited supply that he can fill himself up with.

They really need to sort out what they needed in the morning. A few unripened fruit and stale crackers were no where near enough for two grown men.

He is tired. If he thinks too much, he will probably begin where he left off before when he almost started crying himself. Although he no longer has a reason too, the congestion in his head provides discomfort that begs for release.

He should go to sleep, too. There is no point in starting a fire only to put it out after he sees he will just be heading to bed.

It is cold. Darkness has fallen. He finds his way to the room where their beds are situated. He will wrap himself up tight to keep away the chill.

Earlier, he called the cot furthest from the room's door as his own. This one was closest to the window, and Kyle had no complaints over something so trivial.

So there couldn't have been a misunderstanding, not with how much he expressed that THIS is the side Forde would sleep on. And not with how Kyle had even laughed at him at the moment, calling him childish.

Even so, beneath the blankets that Forde had chosen, Kyle lays asleep.

This was on purpose. If it was out of ill-intent, then Forde would have to get his revenge.

Instead of sleeping on the other side of the room, he rests right beside Kyle.

Maybe this was just what Kyle wanted, to bait him into doing this. But if that's the case, then it can't be helped.

This isn't cold. This feels home-y, almost.

Well, it should be. This is their home.

Just like any other time they had to share a bed, Kyle takes up too much room. He has no consideration for who he may have to board with, and instead practically covers the entire surface area with his limbs.

It is something Forde realizes that he can, and will get used to. In fact he wants to.

It crosses his mind then, that he loves Kyle. It is a feeling that isn't new but somehow it is only discovered now. He wants to tell him, but Kyle is fast asleep.

It can wait, he thinks.

After all, they have the rest of their lives together for him to say it.


End file.
